why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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