We're facebook friends in real life
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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