Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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