Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize