His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
