if you like me you must not know who I am
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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