I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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