yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
