so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"