Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  How is your vagina???

  (941): View more from Florida

  Double booked

  (646): View more from New York

  With your butt?

  (941): View more from Florida

  Totes, candlesticks and all

  (646): View more from New York

  Yay!!

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  (646): How is your vagina??? (941): Double booked (646): With your butt? (941): Totes, candlesticks and all (646): Yay!! http://tfl.nu/9v3z
  Replies (4) Good night (1968) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.

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  (518): Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/f3k6
  Replies (14) Good night (2655) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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  (405): Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/ox2k
  Replies (13) Good night (699) Bad night (4248)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

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  (812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo
  Replies (15) Good night (7403) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme

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  (647): btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme http://tfl.nu/51hh
  Replies (10) Good night (3917) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6208) Bad night (1858)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

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  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4633) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.

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  (416): Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend. http://tfl.nu/lag5
  Replies (9) Good night (5510) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko

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  (814): we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko http://tfl.nu/v0ui
  Replies (18) Good night (4094) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence

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  (307): there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence http://tfl.nu/drkc
  Replies (1) Good night (989) Bad night (2004)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move

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  (216): The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move http://tfl.nu/h1eb
  Replies (26) Good night (2959) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips

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  (813): I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips http://tfl.nu/x2sl
  Replies (25) Good night (726) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off

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  (916): When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong. (1-916): Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off http://tfl.nu/emwi
  Replies (3) Good night (1326) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.

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  (605): I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk. http://tfl.nu/q1g3
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"

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  (215): Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?" http://tfl.nu/i6qx
  Replies (2) Good night (728) Bad night (258)

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