i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.