Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (114707) Bad night (10635)
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  (707): View more from California

  I haven't been laid since Bush was president.

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  (707): I haven't been laid since Bush was president. http://tfl.nu/3tqj
  Replies (33) Good night (603) Bad night (2959)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv

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  (801): My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv http://tfl.nu/1bcq
  Replies (39) Good night (1536) Bad night (4549)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.

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  (734): going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season. http://tfl.nu/7bt6
  Replies (12) Good night (3448) Bad night (884)
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  (646): View more from New York

  We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday

  (1-646): View more from New York

  mom would be proud

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  (646): We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday (1-646): mom would be proud http://tfl.nu/m6gx
  Replies (24) Good night (4387) Bad night (1108)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."

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  (561): And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips." http://tfl.nu/kfac
  Replies (6) Good night (2599) Bad night (1332)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar

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  (313): My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar http://tfl.nu/fy9n
  Replies (6) Good night (3326) Bad night (809)
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  (408): View more from California

  We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.

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  (408): We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices. http://tfl.nu/tes7
  Replies (5) Good night (2529) Bad night (1267)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.

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  (614): I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing. http://tfl.nu/nz2e
  Replies (11) Good night (1236) Bad night (1617)
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  (619): View more from California

  That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.

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  (619): That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions. http://tfl.nu/77kt
  Replies (2) Good night (1524) Bad night (541)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping

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  (717): my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping http://tfl.nu/xy2e
  Replies (1) Good night (976) Bad night (542)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.

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  (732): My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe. http://tfl.nu/2f1v
  Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (984)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?

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  (708): was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time? http://tfl.nu/ea5t
  Replies (5) Good night (924) Bad night (354)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...

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  (618): After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical... http://tfl.nu/b9b8
  Replies (2) Good night (956) Bad night (399)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"

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  (989): Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?" http://tfl.nu/ww6f
  Replies (1) Good night (515) Bad night (309)

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