I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?