You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level