He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
