she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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