well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
