i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
