i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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