oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
