i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
