I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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