where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
