??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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