; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
