last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
