The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
