I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
