oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
