hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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