The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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