the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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