Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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