I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
