he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
