Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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