At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
