he was CRYING into my vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
