we're blogging at a bar
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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