seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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