i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
