They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i drank out of a bidet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Randomize
