Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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