Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
