never play flip cup with pint glasses
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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