I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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