Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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