im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
