Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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