so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
