If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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