I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
