last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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