Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Alive.
So much puke
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize