I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I AM VODKA MAN
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
