i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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