get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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