Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
