Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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