Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
