OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
