I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
