never play flip cup with pint glasses
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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